The Cape is Holding Us Back
Society has historically placed an unfair burden on women to be perfect in all areas of their lives.
This pressure is even heavier for Black and Brown women, who face additional societal barriers and discrimination. The belief that we must be perfect is often ingrained in us from a young age, making it challenging to let go of this idea as we grow older.
This pressure to be Superwoman often comes from within and outside our communities. Society teaches us that we must possess strength and capability to succeed. We’re expected to work hard, support our families, and excel in our careers. The constant pressure to perform at an unattainable level in all areas of their lives can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and burnout.
This pressure can have serious emotional, mental, and physical consequences for women trying to live up to these standards. It can lead to guilt or inadequacy when we don’t feel like we are doing enough or living up to expectations. It can also lead us into unhealthy relationships where we put too much emphasis on pleasing others instead of focusing on ourselves.
Black and Brown Women Suffer More When Striving for Perfection.
Taking care of our mental health also means acknowledging how systemic oppression can profoundly affect us. Black and Brown women face multiple forms of oppression, such as racism, sexism, classism, etc. These intersecting systems of oppression can take a severe toll on their mental health.
We are often expected to work harder than our white counterparts to achieve the same level of success, which can further exacerbate our stress levels.
- According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Black and Latinx women are less likely to receive mental health treatment than white Americans.
- A study by the American Psychological Association found that BIPOC women experience higher rates of depression and anxiety than white women.
- Black and Latinx women are more likely to experience poverty, unemployment, and other socioeconomic stressors, which can also contribute to mental health issues.
- Discrimination and racism can have a significant impact on mental health. Black and Brown women may experience discrimination in various settings, including the workplace and healthcare system.
- Transgender women of color face even higher mental health challenges due to discrimination and stigma and the unique challenges of navigating their gender and racial identities simultaneously.
Additionally, the lack of representation and access to resources in many areas, including healthcare and mental health services, can make it even more challenging to receive the support they need to cope with their mental health struggles.
Superwoman Might Sabotage Your Relationships
When wearing our Superwoman cape, we might feel like we have to do everything ourselves, not asking for help even when needed. We might feel like we can never show weakness, vulnerability, or fear of being seen as inadequate or someone using that vulnerability against us. The trouble is that when we’re focused on perfection in every area, it’s easy to neglect other vital parts of our lives, such as our relationships.
Our inability to show vulnerability can, ultimately, harm our romantic relationships. Women who constantly wear the cape may need help prioritizing their relationships or communicating effectively with their partners.
The pressure to be perfect can drain us of our energy and limit our ability to savor the joys and pleasures of life, the very things that make life worth living.
Consequently, we may be overly critical of our loved ones or demand more of them than they can give. The ongoing frustration and criticism can lead to tension, conflict, and burnout in our relationships.
The Importance of Vulnerability
Being vulnerable can be scary, but it’s essential to our emotional well-being and intimacy. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to deeper connections with others. We can express our true feelings and needs and receive the support and validation we need to thrive. Vulnerability also allows us to connect with ourselves on a deeper level. We can acknowledge our emotions and thoughts and work through them in a healthy way. In short, vulnerability is the key to authentic and meaningful relationships with ourselves and others.
Getting Help is Not a Sign of Weakness
Contrary to popular belief, getting help is not a sign of weakness. It takes tremendous courage to admit that we need help, even more so to seek it out. Asking for help is a sign of strength and resilience, not weakness. We all have our limitations, and we cannot do everything alone. Seeking help shows that we are willing to do what it takes to improve our lives, and that’s something to be proud of.
Overcoming societal messages and external pressures to prioritize ourselves can be challenging. We’re taught to put everything else before our well-being. This approach may have helped our ancestors survive, but it didn’t allow them to thrive.
It’s time to shift the focus to our well-being starting today. Initiate a positive change in your life and build a habit of prioritizing yourself. Your mind, body, and soul deserve the same love and care you give to others.
Unlearning these harmful & limiting messages may be a life-long process, but we can begin to take steps today.
- You Can’t Do It All: It can be tough to recognize and accept our limitations, especially when we’re used to being able to do it all. But identifying when we need help and reaching out for help is the first step towards healing. Remember, perfection is impossible.
- Provide Care to Yourself: Caring for ourselves is crucial for physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It may feel like an indulgence, but it’s self-preservation. Prioritize it the way you would other essential aspects of your life. Simple practices like meditation, journaling, or mindfulness can have a massive impact. It’s important to make time for them every day so you can show up as your best self!
- Shift Your Priorities: Setting realistic goals that align with our values and priorities can help us avoid burnout and feeling overwhelmed. Instead of trying to do it all, focus on what truly matters to you, and break it down into manageable steps. Again, you do NOT have to do it all!
- Lean On Others: During the healing process, a support system of compassionate individuals who understand our struggles can make a difference. Don’t hesitate to reach out to close friends, family, or community groups for support. Connection is healing, and it can be incredibly beneficial and comforting to have someone to talk to who knows what you’re going through.
Unfortunately, it’s easy to feel guilty when we start prioritizing ourselves because these messages are deeply ingrained in us. If you find yourself still struggling, this is where therapy can come in and help you process your thoughts and feelings.
Therapy May Provide The Support You Need
A good therapist creates a supportive, non-judgmental environment that helps us delve into our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They help us identify behavior patterns, gain insights into ourselves, and acquire tools and strategies to drive lasting, positive changes.
Ultimately, therapy can help us build coping skills and resilience that have far-reaching effects on our happiness and overall well-being.
Addressing Apprehension About Therapy
While therapy can aid in healing, it’s understandable why Black and Brown communities struggle to trust the mental health field. It wasn’t designed with our unique ways of being, culture, and societal stressors in mind. Too often, our experiences are misunderstood or pathologized.
It’s crucial for therapists to understand and empathize with these factors and to recognize that the mental health field has historically marginalized Black and Brown individuals. We deserve access to culturally sensitive and inclusive therapy to support our mental and emotional well-being best.
The great news is there are therapists out here doing the work to change that; therapists from our communities that understand our daily challenges and are committed to our collective healing. Finding the right one may take some time, but it’s worth it.
Stop Measuring Your Strength By How Much Pain You Can Tolerate
It’s time to ditch the Superwoman cape and give yourself a break. Your body, mind, and spirit all deserve some rest. Being Superwoman is not a badge of honor but a heavy burden that ultimately limits our lives. It’s time to change the narrative and prioritize our self-care. This means setting boundaries, asking for help when needed, embracing our vulnerabilities, and learning to accept imperfection. Self-care also means investing in our mental health and seeking resources supporting our unique experiences.
Free yourself from the need to be perfect and begin to live a fuller life today.
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